Understanding Overthinkers & How Overthinking Impacts A Relationship
This week I came across an article that got me to thinking about the challenges of dating an overthinker. I wanted to share what I have experienced and what I hear my clients talk about when discussing how to handle a woman who over-analyzes everything, every word, every touch, all of it.
Have you ever dated an overthinker? Someone you felt was totally over-analyzing everything you did or said? That she had an understanding that something significant occurred and you didn't think much at all about what happened?
I think most singles in the current dating market have experienced this at least once, if not multiple times. The natural reaction seems to feel like pulling back and phasing out while she is freaking out because she may be jumping to conclusions that may or may not be realistic. But, lack of communication aka silence is a form of communication, and overthinkers will create meaning of your silence that may or may not be remotely close to the reason you actually didn't reach out to her.
I must admit that I recognize there are moments when I have behaved like an overthinker, especially when I began dating after my divorce, and I have dated men who were overthinkers as well. When both the man and woman are overthinkers, there is a tendency to share deeply personal thoughts in the early stages of the relationship and a deep connection is formed quickly. The downside is that a deep connection formed too early can also lead to having higher expectations of the relationship way before it would have naturally evolved organically in the process of building the foundation for a lasting relationship.
The biggest problem is that if the person you're dating doesn't know how to handle your expressions then it can be incredibly frustrating. And, over-analyzing out loud can totally ruin the moment. Repeated enough times, it could push the relationship to an end before it even really got started.
So, be mindful to purposefully create an awareness if you are an overthinker and how your words or actions could be impacting your new or established relationships. And, if you are dating an overthinker, be mindful of your words and actions and that they could be interpreted in so many different ways.
The best piece of advice I can give you is to create an openness to dialogue so you better understand how an overthinker gives meaning to things that may seem meaningless to you. The more transparency you have and less mystery involved will be immensely helpful in creating the foundation for a trusting relationship with an overthinker. Trust me. I speak from being on both sides of overthinking.
Finally, for overthinkers, try to filter everything that comes to mind which will enable you to more fully enjoy the moment. Relax, deep breath, judgments tossed out the window, and enjoy the thrills of meeting someone truly amazing! And, try to allow yourself to let the process of dating and building a relationship to naturally evolve.
Laura Lee Wood, Executive Relationship Coach & Founder of "Nashville Wingwoman"
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